Why I Follow....

My best friend since I was 8, Miss CD, challenged me via Facebook (so this will be shared there as well), to explain why I love Jesus.

It could be very simple - pastor's daughter, pastor's wife, grew up in the church.....
But that's kind of the easy way out.
So hold on, because this will be a bit of a read.  Got your coffee (or, you know, pepsi)? Ok, let's go.

First, to really understand why someone follows Jesus, why they love God the way they do, you have to understand where they come from.

I'm kind of controlling. I like to make sure things are done just a certain way, the way I want it done. And so that makes me a tiny bit of a perfectionist, but not really, because I don't always care enough to make everything perfect (confused yet? So am I). Controlling. Check.
And I really want everyone to like what I do and approve of me and be amazed by the events I plan. Needy. Check.
And my family is the most important thing in my life. If I let them down, I've let everyone down.  I need their love and affection, I need to support them (so that someone needs me), and I need to make sure things are done just right just for them. Which means if I feel like I've failed, that I've disappointing them, well, that's pretty much the depths of failure right there. Disappointing my family (especially my dad and husband).
Loyal and hovering and scared of failure? Check, check, check.

Mr. Curly recently informed me my life was ruled by fear.  Yep, fear that I will fail and disappoint him.  Fear that I won't be a good enough wife, a good enough mom, a good enough help mate or church worker or supporter.....

I read a sign once that said "Anxiety (or depression or a nervous break down or something like that) isn't a sign of being too weak, but rather having been strong too long."
I get that. I get being to the point where you're stretched too thin that you just can't take one more single thing.

A year ago I started taking celexa for anxiety and panic attacks.  I was having panic attacks at absolutely random and increasingly frequent times. Putting my kids to bed? Panic attack. Traffic jam on a trip? Panic attack. Crowded restaurant? Panic attack. Walking through Walmart? Panic attack.
Mr. Curly figured out pretty quick that giving me a little bit of control (letting me drive through the traffic jam, pass out the food in a crowded place or just make a decision without asking anyone) could at least slow down the descent into hyperventilation.
But then it got to where it physically hurt to hug my kids. And I was sad all the time.  Just blah. Just no desire to even try because I was going to fail. I couldn't control all the stressful things around me, so why even try? And why was everybody wanting to talk so loud and touch me all the time?!?!
So I went and saw my doctor and got a little pill.

Things got better pretty fast. (For those who care, I'm now on a 'weaning off the pill' regime, we'll see how it goes).

But that is me. Controlling, anxious, needy, dependent on family, and yeah, sometimes my sense of humor can lean towards the stupid (but that's not such a bad thing).

I've always known Jesus. I don't remember being saved, I just always followed Jesus. I do remember at 17 realizing that I had to have my own personal relationship with Christ, that I needed to say it, that I needed to make it real, and not rely on my parents faith anymore.
It was a huge step, even for a goody-two-shoes who had always known Christ.

I've made mistakes. Too many to count. I made some big ones this morning.
I've blamed God for things that were my fault. I've doubted He knew what He was doing.
I've hurt people.

But Jesus loves me anyway.
He gives me peace when I seek Him.
He gives me chances to try again, instead of saying "Sorry, you've messed up too much, just let me do it."
In fact, when I ask for forgiveness for stumbling in sin, He forgets it ever happened.
You can disappoint God, I've done it. But when I confess, He forgets it. Clean slate, new chance. No more disappointment, or anything to live down.

Starting at age 17 my favorite verse has been 1 Kings 3:9 "Give your servant a discerning heart... to distinguish between right and wrong."
For the past year I've been memorizing, and teaching my children, Philippians 4:4-9
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, bring your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Life is not easy. Christ came to bring us life more abundant - as I've said before, higher highs, lower lows.  Life gets pretty low sometime. I know. I've been there. In fact, this morning was a pretty low point and I'm not out of it yet. But I know that no matter how low I go, Jesus has been in the depths of hell and has risen to the heights of heaven. He has conquered all. And if He is with me in the depths, He will raise me up to the heights.
I ran across this verse this morning, Haggai: 2:4-5 (condensed, which means, I cut some out): Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the Lord, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the Lord Almighty. 'My Spirit remains among you. Do not fear.'

God is always with me. Always. Period. There is no time when He is not here, not waiting for me to turn to Him. I have no reason to worry, to be anxious. The anxiety I face is a chemical imbalance that needs some help. It's a body thing. But in my spirit, in my soul, I can rest calmly in God's hands, knowing no matter what I do, He forgives, He forgets. He loves.

And that's why I love Him.

Curly Hair vs. Straight Hair

I had this conversation with Curly Girl last night:

CG (who had worn her hair down for the day, and we had spent a lot of time outside): Did you notice my hair today, Mom, when it was blowing in the wind?

Me: I noticed it looked very pretty.

CG: And straight

Me: well, yeah, because your hair is so long (it is now past her rear), it is heavy and pulls the curls out. And you brushed it a lot this morning, which is good.

CG: Well, yeah, but straight hair is beautiful. That's why I brushed the curls out.

Me - feeling a bit concerned: Don't you think curly hair is beautiful?

CG - picking up on the fact that she might have offended me - Mom, I like you, but I want my hair straight and beautiful.

Me: What?

CG: I LIKE YOU, but I want my hair STRAIGHT to be beautiful. Straight hair is beautiful.

Me: Curly hair can be beautiful too. It doesn't have to be crazy and wild like mine usually is.

CG: Your hair is fine. I want mine straight and beautiful.

Me with a sigh: Well, that is fine. But remember, what truly makes you beautiful is your personality, your attitude and how you treat people. God looks at your heart, not your hair. You know that, right?

CG: Yes, I know. (sighing herself like its an old lesson). But I still want my hair straight and beautiful.

Her braid was done, so she ran off at that point, leaving me, honestly, a little sad. And thinking maybe we should hack a foot of hair off her head so it would curl again and she could see it is beautiful that way too.  But I made a deal with her that if she brushed it and didn't cry when I fixed it, she wouldn't have to cut it. And she has honored that deal spectacularly, so I will too.

Maybe we just need to watch Brave again.

Bee Slow, Bee Quiet

Mr. Curly is raising bees.  Yeah. Yeah, you read that right.  He has a few videos on youtube (or at least is working on getting them up there) calling himself the ignorant bee keeper.

Here's how it all went down:

We have some friends who noticed a lot of bee activity outside their house. And then a buzzing in the walls. And then stains leaking through the old lathe & plaster walls (they live in an old farm house a little bit out of town).

They had to abandon a room due to the bees.

So Mr. Curly did a lot of studying and researching, built a hive with his dad, and went and pulled bees out of the walls and floors and ceiling. They were EVERYWHERE.

But now the house is bee free, and we have lots of honey and beeswax to use.

Somehow, there was no queen (this swarm had split once before and we think something traumatic happened to any new queen they would've had), so we bought one.  Who even knew you could do that?!

The kids are FASCINATED by the bees.  They repeat the rules to me often - be quiet, be slow - and then go sneak up to the hive and the observation window to see what they can see.

Honestly, they give me the hee-bee-jee-bees (hahahahahaha).
But, bees, yeah, we raise them now.

10 Things I Need To Remember

Sometimes I need to remember....

1. This will be the only summer they are 6, 5, and 3.
2. 97 cents is an amazing deal on a beach ball that entertains them for hours.
2a. They will play with those expensive toys again soon.
3. Mud washes off with a little bit of soap and water.
4. Sand vacuums out of carpets when tracked in by little feet.
5. Catching bugs that creep me out is a good way to show how God gives us strength to face those fears...
5a. and learn about nature in a real hands-on way.
6. Oobleck is messy but not near as grossly messy as gak.
7. Those stained clothes will soon be outgrown.
8. Summer is definitely a shorter season than winter.
9. Late bedtimes just mean more memories
9a. and less time to wake me up at night!
10. This messy family is a dream come true during good times and bad!

Multi-use rocking chair

Perfect for Towels and other linens.

We fall down...

There was a song that came out when I was in high school that I just absolutely fell in love with.  Mr. Curly was never a big fan, because the main chorus says "We fall down, we get up, we fall down, we get up, we fall down, we get up...." (of course it ends with 'and the saints are just the sinners who fell down and got up", but of course, that isn't the part that gets stuck in your head. (hear Bob Carlisle sing it here)
But lately, I just fall down.
Lately, I've been struggling.  Specifically struggling with having a servant's heart.  Not at church, I'm more than happy to help there.  Not at my kids's schools.  Not with my friends. Not in giving.

But with my kids. With my own kids at home.  With my kids it has become harder and harder every single day to get up with a smile, to help them get ready for the day without losing patience, to sit and play with them throughout the afternoon without my eyes wandering to the messes, or my brain making lists of things I'd rather be doing, or should rather be doing.

Mr. Curly thinks it stems from how our children view me. He feels they view me as 'the help' not as their mom.  I'm just the lady here to do everything for them, so respect levels are low and I spend my entire day doing one thing or another for them without a moments peace.

I'm sure every mother has had those days when all 300 of her kids are yelling her name at once.  100 want to play games, while 100 others need help in the bathroom RIGHT NOW, while the last 100 just simply won't open their eyes enough to see that the shoes or milk or whatever they're looking for is right in front of them.
I wish it was just a certain time of day.  I wish it was only certain days.

But its not.  It is every single day, every single hour, every single minute.

And I just want a break.  I just want silence.  I want 24 hours where I don't have to refill plates before I've had a bite of my own food, or share my food, or get more milk, or find more snacks, socks, shoes, bags, coats, puzzle pieces, or run to the bathroom 5 seconds after I finally set down to get the budget and my business logs caught up.

I'm struggling with that servant attitude towards my children. I am not 'the help.' I'm their mother, who needs to teach them responsibility and independence, and I believe I am doing that. But at 6, 4, and 2, there are things they still need an adult for and the only adult they see capable of helping is me.  Not their daddy or anyone else.
If I leave the house for more than 10 minutes, I'm completely swamped with a million things the kids need the minute I walk back in the door - things they apparently didn't need while Mr. Curly was there, but now can't wait.
And it leaves me running all day, with very little servant attitude left for my husband or anyone else.  It's beginning to make the nursery duty at church a chore because I will again be the only adult around to help Not Curly with absolutely everything.  My house is getting more and more messy because whenever I do get a moment's break, the last thing I want to do is work more.

I've fallen down, and I can't seem to get back up (cue cheesy commercial here).

Caterpillar Crunching

We learned when Curly Boy was about 18 months old, that night terrors are common in men on Mr. Curly's side of the family.
Curly Boy had them for several months, and still does. Though now they usually come when he's going through a growth spurt, had a traumatic event (tonsil surgery), or we've been travelling for awhile.

Not-Curly (my new name for Curly Baby aka Curly Boy 2, since his hair is decidedly NOT curly, unless it is long enough to mistake him for a girl) has had one or two episodes, but last night was a new one.

Last night around 11 Not-Curly came in asking to sleep with us.  I let him into bed for about a minute, then took him back to bed, sang is lullaby and kissed him good night.  Not 10 minutes later, he was back in my room asking to sleep with me again.  When I said we all had to sleep in our own beds, he answered "No, sleep on couch with you."
I thank goodness for his verbal skills, because when I asked why he didn't want to be in his own bed he said it was because of the caterpillars.

I recruited Mr. Curly's help at this time, since he was still awake.  We took Not-Curly back to his room, where Mr. Curly crunched up all the invisible caterpillars that were on his bed.  We sang and prayed with Not-Curly and went back to bed.

He didn't have the greatest night, but I was thankful that going along with the idea that his bed was full of caterpillars helped him calm down and get back to sleep.

It's now or never....tomorrow will be too late

I learned a little lesson about delayed gratification over Thanksgiving break,

I had been saving since June for an ipad. But Black Friday deals convinced me to buy a laptop and use my Apple card for a new phone instead.  Through one thing and another, I ended up with a tablet (which I adore!!).

BUT, I still don't have a new iphone.  Because in order to get the promotional price, I have to be ready for an upgrade, which, won't happen until my birthday this summer.

Yep.  In order to get my "free" phone (because my gift card will just cover the promotional price, and Mr. Curly somehow worked a deal for it in the first place), I have to wait, more, again.

I have to say, I was pretty bummed about it.  But I had just spent my money on a tablet.  And I had only planned on getting one new tech toy - an ipad.  So really, it was ok that I have to wait for my new iphone.  Its okay that I only got what I was saving for.

And this summer, when I not only get a birthday gift, but also a new phone - well, that's going to be awesome!!!

I was watching "Love It or List It" today and one of the couples said "If we can't get what we want right now, lets just go buy something new."

Wow.  Really?  These people were dropping $60,000 on a remodel for a house that they weren't even sure they wanted, for a house they'd rather replace with something new, right now, before the remodel was even completed.

Delayed gratification is not an easy thing.  There have been many times when I've put a purchase on a credit card because I just plain didn't want to wait.  Most the time, I've regretted it when the credit card bill came in!

I have to remind myself, and I have to teach my children, that while Elvis is a legend, he was not always right.  It isn't now or never, tomorrow won't be too late.  Some things are worth waiting for.  And while that may mean keeping a iphone 3GS for another 6 months, or living in a house that is less than perfect while you remodel, in the end, I think it will be worth it.

Post Title from Elvis "It's Now or Never"

And while I'm at delaying gratification, there are only 15 days 'til Christmas!!

Great Acoustics - The Bane of My Existence

This event actually happened before Thanksgiving, but I didn't have a chance to blog then, so here is our story now.

It was the community Thanksgiving service, held at St. Joseph Catholic church.  This was our second attendance, and we already knew it was mainly an older generation service, but we took the whole family anyway.  If Mr. Curly is going to be part of the local ministerial association, than our family is going to participate in local community church events.  Right?  Right.

I should've known it was going to be bad when I herded my three young curly kids into the side entrance where we were greeted by a statue of Jesus.  "They have a Jesus statute here!" Curly Girl exclaimed.  Curly Boy found it pretty amazing too, pointing out the holes in Jesus's hand to Curly Boy 2 (who might start being called Non-Curly, but that's another post).

We made it to, well, in our church we call it the foyer, where we greeted some other pastor friends.  Curly Boy commented on the "stink" of the church - it was either incense or air freshener, I really couldn't tell.  We were waiting for Mr. Curly to park the car and join us.
He finally made it in, and we went into the sanctuary to find a seat, only Mr. Curly got stopped by another pastor.

So I was left with 3 small children who had never been in a Catholic church before and were suddenly met with the holy water fountain.  And huge stained glass windows, and the stations of the cross.  And the best acoustics you will ever find.
"Look, a fountain!"
"Yook, yook, water!"
"Where are the fish?"
"See how the water falls, momma?"
"See those windows! They're huge!"
"What is that statue thing on the wall?"
"Mom - you gotta see this place!!" (this last one was my particularly amazed 2 year old)

I finally shepherded them into the last row, well, second to last row, the last row is for handicap access.  I hushed them, Mr. Curly came in where it started all over.
"Have you seen this?  What are these?  Look at the water!" (Thankfully they didn't see the Catholics blessing themselves with the water, that would've been a whole new thing to exclaim over!)

Have you been in a Catholic church?  A whisper carries all the way to the front.  Well, my children were NOT whispering.  Which means every single person in the place heard all those announcements.

Including when Curly Boy 2 wanted to run the aisles, when he needed to go pee and poop, when Curly Girl complained that the church was too big and she couldn't see the person talking....
And to top it off, Curly Boy was bored so he counted the lights, much like his father once did during a concert of Handel's Messiah that I dragged him too.

I know, I know, they're kids.  Pastor's kids at that, which means they are particularly comfortable in a church building.  And they had never been in a Catholic church before.  But I'm pretty sure I looked like the perfect Christmas ornament with my green shirt and bright red face.





Other titles considered for this blog post:
1. Why I Will Never Go To A Catholic Church Again
2. Why yes, those are the pastor's kids swimming in the holy water
3. Gee, can't you tell we're from a small protestant church?

How I Be a Better Mom

This is a really sensitive post to any mother's out there.  Let's face it, ladies, we're all opinionated when it comes to the best way to parent.

But I learned a big lesson yesterday.

I NEED quiet time.

See, I've always felt that as my kids aged, that quiet time, that nap time, would phase out, and I would just spend every summer day, every holiday, blissfully working and playing with my children every minute from waking until they go to bed (bedtime is not an option, it is a must for my babies for their health and happiness as well as mine and my husbands).

Until yesterday.  Yesterday Curly Boy had pink eye. So when Curly Boy 2 went down for a nap, Curly Boy was still here, not at preschool.
He doesn't need to nap every day, so I told him we would just hang out.  He chose a movie, we did some letter and tracing work, we built a music player out of rubberbands, corkboard and pushpins.  And then I needed to do some work of my own (my bread business, laundry, etc.).

For the next 2 hours, Curly Boy had something he needed, something to say, something that had to be done in my presence every five minutes.

By the time the 2 hours was up, I was ready to snap.  When Curly Boy 2 woke up from a nap crying because he had an accident and Curly Boy followed us to the bathroom, I said in a very forceful tone "You need to leave me alone for just five minutes!"

Mother fail.  
I don't want to say that to my kids!!  It may be true that I need 5 minutes to think, or clean up and comfort a kid, or go to the bathroom, or eat, but that is NOT how I want to get it.

I am NOT ready for quiet time to end.  That quiet time, that hour to 2 hours I get every day -because even on Saturday and Sundays, I still send the non-napping Curly Girl to her room while her brothers nap, Curly Boy uses those days to catch up - I really NEED that time.  To decompress, to clean without interruption, to eat, to read, to whatever.  So that when the quiet time ends, I can meet my children with a smile and renewed patience.

There's a big argument in the Momosphere about this, especially when you stay home, especially when you have babies.  Some argue "I need to be happy to be a good mom" and others argue "It is so selfish to expect time to yourself when you chose to have kids, they come before everything."
You don't hear a lot about the middle ground, which is where I feel I stand - Yes, my children are important.  Right after God and my husband, they come next.  If they need me, I am there, all the time.  If they want me, I am there, most the time.  But in order to be a good mom, to be the best mom I can, I also need a little time, just a little each afternoon, to reset.
I'm not asking for a full-time job, for a day off every week (though every other month is nice), for date nights, or a nanny or cook, I'm just asking for 30-60 minutes at least every day to do something without little voices interrupting, or stumbling over little feet on my way through the house.
So that after that 30-60 minutes I can take joy in little questions, big emotions, and yes, even stumbling over toys.

Halloween is over, it must be November - the month of causes!

Kind of a long title, huh?
But it is true!

Halloween is over, so now begins November.

In November, I make Christmas gifts.
In November, I attempt to write a novel (part of NaNoWriMo since 2011).
In November, I deep clean and purge the house getting ready for Christmas influx.

Mr. Curly has a list of November things too -
Yard work, church clean-up, Christmas lights and decor, and this year - MOvember.
Yep, he's growing a mustache (JUST a mustache, a new thing for him) to raise awareness of prostate cancer.

His father is a survivor, giving Mr. Curly double the chances of having this cancer as well.  So we're pretty serious about it.
And this is a fun was to do it.

We're also giving the Curly Kids a cause this year - as they will each be filling a box for Operation Christmas Child.  I'm excited to take them shopping for other kids, and hopefully start teaching them that Christmas lists are fun, but so is Christmas giving.

Ants on a Log

So Curly Girl has been struggling to keep up in school.  The teacher says she acts listless.  Head on her desk, working slow, fairly unanimated (which is NOT Curly Girl at all!).  The teacher was concerned that she wasn't getting enough sleep, or maybe was getting sick.

We did have a big weekend.  So Tuesday night (the day we heard of this), we put all the kids to bed early. We also had a nice chat with Curly Girl.

See, she comes home cranky and grumpy and snappy, until she has a snack.  And then she's absolutely fine.  We haven't noticed anything weird at home.  Only that she tends to fill up on snacks and then doesn't want dinner.  And at school, she openly admits, she doesn't eat her lunch, only the class snack.
We came to the tentative conclusion that maybe she's just too hungry to work, or that her blood sugar is low from lack of good food.

Yesterday was first day of "healthy snacks to keep our daughter's energy level."  Usually, snacks are treats - candy, chips, popcorn, jello, cookies....  It's a snack after all, and we eat our fruits and veggies and grains and all the other good stuff at meals.
But I can't let my bright little girl's school work suffer because of bad eating habits!

So in order to make sure she's getting what she needs, we had ants on a log yesterday (celery, peanut butter, raisins).  Curly Girl's conclusion: I LIKE THESE!!
AND she actually ate the celery! (Unlike our other problem eater, Curly Boy 2, who just licked everything off the celery).

She also had her first dose of homework yesterday because she was so behind.  But that's another post. :/

Tomato Tomahto

In the past week, I have done 2 canning sessions, resulting in 30 pints of raw-packed tomatoes, following the instructions found at The Bitten Word.

Canning tomatoes this year reminds me of Tina (pronounced TINE-ah) Leonard.

Tina Leonard was a lady in my father's church when I was in the early years of high school.  She raised tomatoes year round - outside in good weather, in hot houses in the bad weather.  They were sold as Leonard Farm tomatoes at the local grocery stores.  And they sold out FAST!
My  mother was in LOVE with Tina's tomatoes.  Not being a tomato fan myself, I can't really tell you what the appeal was, but everybody in 2 counties knew they were the best.

Which is why it was such an honor to be allowed to can tomatoes with Tina.  I honestly don't remember if my mom already knew how to can, but didn't have the stuff, or maybe just didn't know how to do tomatoes?  I remember years and years of canned green beans from 1994 (a bumper crop of beans from my dad's garden), so maybe it was just that we didn't have tomatoes.  Or tomatoes as good as Tina's.

Anyway, one morning, my mom drove my brother and I out to Tina's farm and we spent all day canning tomatoes.  We washed, we diced, we squished, we slopped.  Yep, all tomato rejects and leftovers were carried out to the pigs, my brother and I taking turns with the 5 gallon buckets, slopping the pigs.
Did I mention I wasn't a tomato fan?
At that point in my life, it is more honest to say I really really really didn't like tomatoes.  And I had to squish them, with my bare hands, for almost 2 hours that day.  I remember thinking it was SO GROSS!!  But Tina (and my mother) would tolerate no whiners.  It was tomato canning day, I was there, I was going to help.
We made sauce and salsa, canned tomatoes whole and diced and crushed.  I'm pretty sure we came home with a sampling of everything.

It wouldn't be that big of a memory, except that Tina's life ended tragically not long after that.

And so this morning, I was dicing up another basketful of tomatoes, thinking about how I really don't like tomatoes.  I don't even really like spaghetti sauce anymore.  I KNOW I don't do salsa (Though I have about 10 cups of homemade salsa in the freezer for Mr. Curly).  And yet, here I am, dicing tomatoes, squeezing them into pint jars for canning so that this winter I can make homemade spaghetti sauce (Mr. Curly's favorite and a fun Christmas gift), so I can learn to make pizza sauce (because I LOVE pizza), so I can make more fresh salsa when needed.
And I thought of that day at Tina's farm.  Cringing at the feeling of tomatoes squishing between my fingers, and yet doing it anyway, because it was tomato canning day, and somebody would want those tomatoes.

It was a good lesson.  It was a good day.

Then BE here!

"If you're going to be here, then BE HERE!!" I remember yelling at Mr. Curly after a particularly horrible evening.
He had come home late, brought his computer.  I fixed supper, got it all on the table, and then got up every 2 minutes to get something else, to refill milk cups, to find napkins, to help cut up food.... I really don't remember eating.  And then after supper I cleared everything off the table (with help from the kids who are lovely about putting their plates in the sink). I cleaned up the kitchen mess. I halted Curly Boy 2's diaper change (this shows you how long ago it was) right in the middle to get Curly Boy to the toilet on time, while Curly Girl followed me around with dress up clothes needing help.  All evening all three kids needed ME and ME only ALL at the same time. I bathed the kids, helped them all dress, helped them all brush their teeth, read books, tucked them in.  Found water cups, re-tucked them in.  Found bears, re-tucked them in.  Finally got the dishes done (with interruptions from children who didn't want to sleep.).

All while Mr. Curly sat in his recliner, laptop open, ear buds in.

I was exhausted.  And furious.  And I took it out on my  husband.  And right before I stomped out of the living room to cry on our bed I yelled "You can't just sit on your butt all night playing games on your computer while I do everything.  I need help!  The kids need you!  If you're going to come home and 'be here' then BE HERE!!!"

I was completely exhausted and irrational.  Mr. Curly is a wonderful father, actively involved in our kids lives, always willing to step away from the office when I need help. But he had been particularly busy that week, with a large class to teach, and a new sermon series, and he had brought work home.


That was over a year ago.
I realized this past..... we'll say month, that I've been doing the exact same thing to Mr. Curly and his ministry here, and to God.

I grew up a pastor's kid.  We moved 5 times in the 20 years I was living at home.
I married Mr. Curly never expecting to stay in one place all that long.  When we moved to SD, Mr. Curly had a 15 year plan.  I couldn't foresee us being there more than 5 years.  We moved in 3 years.

So we came here to IA and I LOVE my town.  We have friends and a nice church.  It's the perfect size town to raise a family in.  I really, really don't want to leave it.

But my attic full of boxes says differently.
My reticence to put down roots says differently.
My lack of embracing a ministry at my church says differently.

I've been here, physically.  I've taken advantage of the comforts (fun days out with kids, convenience of shopping, safety of town), without giving anything back.  Without helping in the messy stuff (ministry, volunteering, reaching out, etc.)

If I'm going to be here, then I need to BE HERE.  And God has been telling me, and Mr. Curly that, loud and clear.

And things are going to change.

Living in the bathroom....

This isn't gross like the title sounds.  I just really couldn't think of anything else.

And before I even begin, please understand this: I am NOT complaining in anyway that my 2.5 yr old Curly Boy 2 decided to potty train himself just after his second birthday.  It was a huge blessing and I'm very very proud of him.  I also know he's a complete fluke and don't expect it from anybody else.

THAT being said, I REALLY wish he could figure out this clothes thing by himself!  My day sometimes FEELS (but isn't really) like this (my responses in italics):

Hey Mom, I just ate, I need to poop.  Ok, let's go to the bathroom.
I just took a drink, I need to pee.  Alright, go to the bathroom.

I"M PEEING!!! (because he doesn't know his verb tenses and he was playing hard and suddenly realized he really really really needs to go).  RUN TO THE BATHROOM.

I'm hungry.  You're not eating right now, the next meal will be soon.
I'm not hungry anymore.  I just made that food, please at least lick it.

I licked the food, I need to poop.  Go to the bathroom.
I took a drink, I need to pee.  Ok, go to the bathroom.

(repeat that cycle 3 or 4 times)

Let's go take a bath.  OK!!  Go to the bathroom.  Come on, let's hurry.  Bath water is getting cold.
Let's pee.  No.  YES, go potty BEFORE you get in the tub.  Ok.
Alright, out of the tub.  I have to potty.  Ok.
Time for bed.  I have to potty.  You just did.  I need to again.  Hurry then.
Alright, here's your kiss goodnight, I love you.  I love you too.  I need to potty.

It feels like we spend a good part of every hour walking back and forth to the bathroom.
But in-between the bathroom times we read, we play, we have fun, I clean, he makes messes, we grow.

But I really REALLY wish he could figure this clothes thing out!

So much older than you feel.....

1.  Emo-punk rock music from the early 2000's about how bad life is, and how you feel like such a loser?  That stuff makes you happy.

2.  When you type in a teenage age on tumblr it automatically puts "years old" behind it, but at a certain decade it changes to "years young."  THAT IS SO MEAN!!!!

3.  Running makes you feel all young and good looking, until you have to walk past the high school and see all the actually young football players going into the gym, or see the girls cross country team take off on their run.

4.  You've completely get this quote: "When someone says 10 years ago and you still think the 90s."

5. You watch designers on Project Runway and go "I could totally do that! I'm young enough!"  And then realize they are eight years younger than you.

6.  Shawn and Gus are no longer older than you (you have noticed they don't age, right?).

7.  You remember ALL the original Law & Order people from growing up, and suddenly realize the only changing character, the chick A.D.A (Sam Waterson's sidekick), always stayed the same age, even when he didn't.

8.  Age brackets on surveys that lump 31-55 together.  Why?!

9.  Everything you try on is either too teen, or too mom.

10.  All your favorite college movies are either considered really stupid, or cult classics.

My list in no particular order, of things that made me feel old last week.  And yes, tv and movies play heavily into my life.

Two down, one to go

That picture there?  That's my little man Curly Boy walking into his first day of preschool with his Daddy.

I haven't cried about it.... yet.

Now that Curly Girl is in school all day, and Curly Boy is gone for about 2.5 hours a day, right during Curly Boy 2's naptime, I should have it made, huh?

But it doesn't seem to matter how much I rearrange my day, I'm still not getting a lot done.  Makes me kind of sad that my kids are gone. 

Ok, makes me really sad.  I mean, I love when they come home excited about something they did that day, but I miss my kids.  Not so much as to homeschool or anything. I enjoy my down time.  And I know that they will learn better away from me.

Next year Curly Girl and Boy will be gone all day. It will be just me and Curly Boy 2 at home.  That terrifies me!  I have a feeling we'll spend a lot of time running to events where his friends are so he isn't bored at home with just Momma to play with.

I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

After all, I've made it through two....

A day alone...

Friday Mr. Curly took all three kids fishing.  I spent 7 hours alone at home.  Guess what I did?

If you thought anything that included sleeping, eating, tv or pinterest, sorry.  I'm much more of a mom than that.

I cleaned.  For 6.5 hours, I cleaned my children's rooms.  Rather than talk you through it.  Here are the before and after pictures.

BEFORE

 

 

 

 

AFTER:   

I moved their shelves to the empty closet space and added command hooks so I could hang up all those big tails those Curly Boys think they just have to have (and I love to make, honestly)!

Our "we're going out" center - hats, coats, shoes - and oh yeah, any dirty laundry from the day!



I used command hooks to hang that pink basket just a few inches
off the floor.  All Curly Girl's pots and pans are under it, food in it,
dishes stacked on top.  It looks SO CUTE!

Another 'head out the door" center.  Curly Girl LOVES having a designated place to keep her slippers!

 We are now all set for a summer of fun!  I'm hoping this new organizational system will help my kids clean their rooms quickly so we can move on to just enjoying the free days!

No In-Flight Movie Here!

Posting on Memorial Day, sorry.  Maybe no time to fix the weekend you just had, but maybe it will be helpful next time.

As one of those couples who LOVES to travel, but no money for a vehicle with a DVD player, Mr. Curly and I are often frustrated by "easy ways to travel with kids" that list movies.

Movies?  Really?  Am I the only one who realizes a wide range of people read those articles and movies aren't possible for them all?

Now, to those who CAN watch movies in your car - that's good!  Honestly, sometimes I wish we could.  I'm not saying movies while travelling are evil, but I have set out to make a list as summer ensues of ways to travel with kids WITHOUT movies and WITHOUT going crazy.

FYI: Most of our vacations are 8-10 hours away (one way), and these tips are only for the car ride.  Once you get to your destination, you're on your own.

To the tips!

1. Let them pack their own activities.  Each of my kids is given a small bag (sometimes it's a mini bookbag, sometimes a lunch box, depending on where we're going and how long we'll be in the car) that they are allowed to fill with whatever they want.  Toys, books, games - all their choice.
I've tried packing these bags for them, choosing things that I think would be fun, or maybe need more playtime, and it is usually a disaster.  Kids like what they like.

2. Pack an extra bag of activities.  While I let my children take their own things, I always pack a backup bag.  After all, you can only tell your kids "I told you to pack enough things to do" so many times before you want to scream.  So I have an extra bag with books that all 3 enjoy, finger puppets, magnets (we always have 3 small cookie sheets in our car to use as a travel tray for drawing, snacks, etc, so magnets work great on these!), stickers, and maybe a few mcdonalds toys I had held back from them.

3. Make a map. Curly Boy LOVES to look at our atlas (yes we have  GPS, we can't update it.  yes, we have iphones, we do use that GPS, but sometimes it is just nice to have all the states on paper in front of you).  One thing we will be doing this summer is printing out our routes from google maps, and marking our stops on it.  That way he can track our progress as we drive throughout the day.

4.  Audiobooks. This is our version of movies.  Last trip we took, we listened to James and the Giant Peach.  We have listened to kids books, mysteries (when the kids were younger and not catching on so much to what we were listening too), and old radio programs.  We usually get these from the library.  This summer brings something new and exciting!  We just purchased all 7 of the Narnia books on CD, done by Focus on the Family's Radio Drama Theater.  Over 22 hours of stories for the whole family - I honestly can't wait to listen to them!

5.  Plan a picnic.  This isn't always possible for us when travelling for holidays, but during the summer, we always plan a picnic lunch.  We have found a great park on the way to my parents' house, and we always stop for at least an hour to eat and play before getting back in the car.  Even if you can't find a park, just a rest stop with a decent bathroom can allow the kids to run out a little energy before getting back in the car.  We usually have a Frisbee or something to throw for our dog as well (when we let him travel with us).
 
6. Don't plan on naps (at least while in the car, once you get to your destination is a completely different story). While our children are fantastic nappers at home, there is something about a car ride that completely throws them off.  I have given up saying "Ok, now we're all going to be quiet and rest" while we drive.  They'll fall asleep when they fall asleep, and I always just pray it isn't five minutes before we stop for lunch!  Mr. Curly and I have been known to delay lunch for up to two hours however if a particularly cranky kid has just fallen asleep.  Which leads me to point 7

7. Pack fun snacks. You know those snacks your kids always beg you for and you always say no?  Now is the time to break them out.  We buy fruit snacks (a rare occurrence at our house, so always a welcome treat), granola bars, special cookies, or sometimes even the gogurt tubes.  I love to make trail mix (our is honey nut cheerios, pretzels, marshmallows and chocolate chips) to snack on which is particularly helpful if we're pushing back a meal time.  Each of our kids has a small insulated tumbler with lid and straw that we fill with juice in the morning.  After that, they can share a bottle of water.  We don't limit drinks, per se, but we are careful to not overload their little tummies.  We take bathroom breaks when we need them, but don't want accidents if we can't find a stop!

And as a bonus:
Don't be all concerned with getting somewhere at a specific time.  This was something Mr. Curly and I REALLY struggled with.  We LOVE to travel, but we don't always want to take all day about it.  Sometimes we just want to get where we're going.  We've learned after 5 years and countless thousands of miles, sometimes you just will NOT get there in the appointed time.  Give your travel schedule lots of wiggle room and grace.  Stop to stare at wild turkeys if it will keep a certain Curly Boy excited and happy for the next hour.  Go through 2 different drive-thrus for supper if it means everyone gets the meal they want.  Above all, enjoy yourself.  Isn't that why we go on vacations in the first place?  To enjoy our families and make memories?!

Monday Monday....

As the Mamas and the Papas sang "Monday Monday, so good to me...."

The past few Mondays have been pretty spectacular.  In fact, yesterday morning I was even out of bed and running by 6:25 a.m.- OUTSIDE!!

As we approach summer, I've been re-organizing our daily routine, trying to add in some things that will help when school starts next year (like getting dressed, doing hair and brushing teeth IMMEDIATELY after breakfast, not just right before we have to go somewhere!), and add some character building things (after teeth, do the daily cleaning before we start to play).

One thing that has happened these past few Mondays to make it so good is meal prepping.  Now, when I go to the grocery on Monday mornings, I always have a list with at least 4 meals in mind for the next week. 
I've spent the past two Monday afternoon quiet times making treats to last the whole week as snacks, prepping Monday supper, and any other meals I could, then cleaning up the kitchen.

Example: Yesterday, after school time, I cleaned up the kitchen while the bread I had mixed up that morning was baking.  Then I made Scooby-Doo snacks (Kellogg's Scooby-Doo cereal with marshmallows and chocolate chips, basically rice krispies), mixed up another loaf of bread (we're trying to eat only homemade breads for the next few weeks), put together a lasagna for today's supper, and pulled meat out of the freezer and put it in the fridge for the meals for Wednesday and Thursday.

For some reason, spending that hour in the kitchen helps me feel much more ready for the rest of the week.  Food is ready.  So today when the boys have quiet time, I can do a bit of deep cleaning, or relaxing, or whatever.  Supper is taken care of.