My personal vice

There are 2 things you should know about me if you already don't:
1) I'm an emotional eater.  Happy? Let's celebrate with food!  Sad? Let's commiserate with food! Angry? I'm going to eat until I'm sick to forget what I'm angry about.
2) Pepsi gets me through anything.  Sleepy days, parties, conversations I don't want to have, long busy days.... and honestly, I just love drinking it while I'm sitting around relaxing.  The bigger the Pepsi, the tougher the day I'm having.  It's my vice.

Everybody has a vice.  Everybody. And if they tell you they don't, they're lying (which might be their vice).
Everybody has something they turn to to cope.

Sometimes its a good thing (exercise, reading, working), sometimes its not so good (eating or drinking too much or things that aren't good for you, beating yourself up mentally).

But what if your vice was God? What if every time you found yourself running low, or struggling to cope, or wanting to celebrate, you turned to God?

The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:6-7 to bring everything to God with thanksgiving and without worry.  And if we do so, His perfect peace will invade our life.

Perfect peace.  Sounds nice, doesn't it?

Why don't we start today? Why don't you join me in making God the personal vice of choice?

When you finally face it.....

I've been building a lot of bitterness for about, well, we'll say a year.  Though probably longer, considering statements I've made, it is apparent this bitterness began when the church plant in SD went so horribly wrong.

I have made a good talk.  I've recognized the blessings that have been given to us, in the 3 horrible years in SD, and in the 2.5 years of recuperating/rebuilding we've had here in IA. 
But I didn't really believe that God cared.  Or that He was trying to help.

I mean, seriously, Mr. Curly is working three jobs and we're still slowly siphoning away our savings account (that was our tax return) while our credit card debt goes up because our kids need clothes, or shoes, or, you know, food (and yes, vacations, because we'd honestly go insane if we didn't allow ourselves fun).
I applied for a job, and in the rejection email I got, they stated that they felt my place was in the home, caring for my children.  There were some very sarcastic and angry statements made about that.  I wasn't abandoning my children by applying for a 5 hour a week job - I was trying to make life a little easier for us all.  But obviously, I am not meant to work (yeah, I'm still working on feeling very very unimportant right now).

But Sunday, Mr. Curly had a great sermon.  And he pointed out a couple passages that are changing how I look at things.
The first most important statement he made came from Act 3:19-20 "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,  and that he may send the Messiah, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus."

I desperately need a time of refreshing.  And it wasn't going to come, sitting at home, railing at God for all the things that I could fix if He would just answer prayers.  (Yep, you read that right).

I ignored the fact that Curly Boy 2 wasn't sitting perfectly still for awhile and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.  And finally opened up my ears again to hear this:

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11, 24a
For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing....The one who calls you is faithful...

The one who calls you is faithful....

I have never claimed the calling of pastoral ministry.  I have never claimed a calling of pastor's wife, or even Mr. Curly's wife.  I was blessed with Mr. Curly, it is a blessing to be his wife and helpmate, to share his life.  And I've been plenty angry when God hasn't made it easy for Mr. Curly, when it seems his ministry is ignored and even set up for failure.
I don't feel I have a calling in life.

But God did call my husband.  And God is faithful.  The Bible tells me so.

And so, after my prayer, and my repentance, I'm trying to let go of all the old bitterness.  Of the feeling that if I pray for something, the exact opposite will happen.  I have many many examples of this, both large and small, that I am trying desperately not to hold against God, not to drag out and count and point out how I know He doesn't listen.  It is a constant struggle, a constant prayer of mine that I will be able to let the hurt go.

God didn't make us to suffer.  He offered Jesus as full salvation so we can live a glorious life here and now and later on.

It is my prayer that I can change my outlook to only see the glory of God, and not focus on the hardness of life.  And I pray the same for you.

UNTangled

Every once in awhile, with very little reason behind it, God hits me with a self realization moment.

I had one of those Monday afternoon.

Growing up, I was pretty shy.  I mean, once I made friends I was bossy and outspoken, but I really didn't like being shoved into new situations, I hated talking in front of class (in fact, I wrote extra papers in college in order to NOT have to do oral reports), and I never really felt like I fit in.  I was constantly trying to win people's approval in order to just be normal, if not cool.  I sought advice, second guessing almost every decision I made.

And I realized Monday I've been hiding behind that shy, un-confident, 16 year old demeanor for a long, long time. (Ok, a long time, I'm not that old, yet). It has caused me to miss fun opportunities, and has caused stress at past jobs, because I didn't trust my confidence.

I realized 3 things on Monday, that have caused me to step away from a few areas that were, quite frankly, not improving anything in my life, and step towards some that ARE improving my life.

1. I am a good mother.  I am raising (with the help of the wonderful Mr. Curly) healthy, intelligent, inquisitive, funny, responsible, respectful kids.  They are awesome, and doing just fine with me relying on God and my instinct to guide them.
   Do we still have our struggles?  Yes.  Are there still frizzy times when I have no idea what to do with them?  Yes.  But God's grace and mercy pours over us daily, and I can confidently say at the end of (most) days, that I am a good mother, without the input of too many other people.
2. I am a good wife.  Mr. Curly enjoys time with me, we like to laugh together, to experience new and old things together.  I keep his house (comparatively) clean, I put food on the table.  I support my husband and pray for him.  I encourage him as often as possible.  I am trying to be a more silent listening ear (I do have the tendency to tell him how to fix the problems he shares, I'm working on it).  I love my husband to the best of my ability, and while I may falter, I am striving to be the spouse and supporting partner I've been given the opportunity to be.
3. I am a good person/Christian.  I wasn't sure how to phrase this one.  I am by no means perfect.  I stumble almost daily, I fall into nasty attitudes and judgemental phases often.  But I know God.  I know His love for me, I love Him, and that relationship is growing every day.  And I am confident enough in that relationship to know that when I mess up, God's going to tell me about it, because He loves me.  And it doesn't really matter what other people think about how I dress, how I eat, how I raise my kids, as long as I'm following God's instruction for my life.

After Monday afternoon, I felt so delightfully UN-frizzy, untangled, clear and smooth and could see the path ahead of me.
I do not have to be that mousy, scared, little teenager anymore.  I don't have to be that worried, nervous employee.  I am a wife, a mother, a leader in my church, involved in my community, and have close friends on whom I can depend on as a safe source on those days when my human nature gets the better of me.

Yes, frizzy times will come.  Yes, I will probably still second guess myself at times.
But now, now I know, I am ok.  I am confident that I am on the right path, doing the right thing, following My God, and teaching my children to follow Him as well.
And I pray the knowledge sticks with me this time!

Haven't you noticed your sauce is always flat?

Last week at some point, my family was sitting at the table, and we were enforcing our "eat four (or three, depending on age) bites" rule, when suddenly I said "The key is seasoning, haven't you noticed your sauce is always, how shall we say, flat?"

Mr. Curly thought I had lost my mind, the comment came out of nowhere to him.  For me, it was the culmination of my train of thought (and a great quote from a Jungle Jam radio story).

Cooking takes seasoning, and consistency.  Bread dough must have yeast (or baking powder or whatever you're using) mixed through it consistently to rise properly.  Sauce must have seasoning stirred throughout to taste right.
Parenting takes consistency.  We have to work discipline into our child's life, and yet season it with fun to ensure a good end result.

Lately, I feel as if my sauce is a bit flat.  We've been attempting to have fun, but really are just working more on discipline.  Which isn't much fun.

For those of you who follow me on facebook, you know that I made Curly Boy bag up toys to throw away on Friday because he refused to clean.  And I refuse to raise a lazy, ungrateful child.

Throwing them away didn't phase him in the least.  So that night, while he was at a football game with Mr. Curly, I went through each bedroom, sorting toys, getting rid of what we've outgrown, what is broken, what is ignored.
No, I didn't really carry through on my threat to throw things away, but they do all have fewer toys now.

I am frustrated, to say the least.  My kids ALWAYS listen to Mr. Curly, the first time.  It is a constant fight to get them to listen to me.  I tell Curly Girl to put her shoes on while I'm helping Curly Baby into his shoes and jacket, I go get my shoes and jacket, and find Curly Girl on her rocking horse, her socks off, her shoes nowhere to be found.  And she has no clue why I'm upset.
I ask Curly Boy to pick up his toys, I even hand him toys to put away, and he throws himself on the floor screaming "I don't know how to clean!"
Curly Baby, well, he just thinks running from me is funny, so does it regularly.  That I don't mind so much, because he will also clear his dishes from the table, AND his brother's and sissy's without me asking.

I'm trying to work discipline, responsibility, through my children's lives, while also seasoning them with fun.  I'm trying to teach them gratefulness and contentment (which is REALLY hard when you're planning a birthday party and every time you're at the store they say to everything they see "I want that for my birthday!"), for what they have, while still encouraging them to dream of better things.

Kids are like cooking - consistency and seasoning are key. 

I'm not the greatest cook, I've chronicled that here - but I keep trying.  I'm not the world's greatest mom, but I'm trying.

I just hope this season of discipline and consistency passes quickly - I don't want my sauce to be flat anymore.

Is it the heat?

So here at "Curly By Nature" we're supposed to have a little weekly post called Taming of the Frizz.  As regular readers will notice, I haven't really been doing that.

Is it because I'm not learning anything? No.  Is it because I don't want to share?  No.  Is it the heat?

Hm.  Maybe.

You know how it is.  Its a hundred degrees outside and you just don't want to move a muscle - even finger muscles to type.

But there also seems to be a spiritual heat.  I keep finding myself more and more worked up over little things I read and see.  I either get angry that a "christian" would say or do that sort of thing.  Or I'm saddened by someone's decision to no longer believe in God because of what they are seeing around them.

And amidst this spiritual heat, I'm trying to keep my cool.  To "keep calm and carry on" as the (ever growing in popularity) phrase says.  I'm trying to remember what Jesus would do, what Jesus does.  I'm trying to love not only the lovely, but also the unlovely.  I'm trying to encourage the discouraged.  To give grace and mercy unconditionally even when the conditions don't make it easy.  And with trying to love, encourage, and give grace and mercy, comes keeping my mouth shut.

I saw a bumper sticker at the county fair that said "FAITH makes things POSSIBLE, not easy."

Isn't that the truth?

I feel today that this spiritual heat is something that is probably shared by quite a few.  I'm not the only one trying to find ways to stay cool.

So I've decided, maybe instead of trying to write a blog about what I've learned, what I'm struggling with, something to do with ME, that instead, I will post what GOD says about our lives and all those lives encompass.

We begin, with this (and this is a Godliness, Contentment, Character verse we use here at home too, just so you know)

Colossians 3:12-15 (condensed by me - please feel free to follow the link and read the whole thing!)
As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Over these virtues put on love.  Let the peace of Christ rule your heart.  And be thankful."

Pride and.... trepidation?

Saturday Curly Girl did two new things.

1.  She lied to us.  We asked if she ate all her carrots at lunch, she said yes.  A few minutes after she went to her room for quiet time, I found her plate in the kitchen, with carrots on it.  Because I knew she wasn't sleeping, I asked her about it.
"I hid them, because I didn't want to eat them."
I explained it was lying, she apologized, and those carrots were her snack.
She's four, she's just learning about these things, but I explained it made me very sad, that I knew she didn't like carrots all that much, but that I gave them to her to keep her healthy and strong (something she is big on, she likes to have lots of "injury" for playing!).

But then supper came....
2.  While I was filling milk cups and Mr. Curly was getting silverware, the children were sitting at the table waiting for us.  Curly Girl told her brothers it was time to pray.  She folded her hands and said "Dear Jesus, I'm sorry for all the bad things.  Thank you for all the good things. Amen."
When Mr. Curly and I sat down with the children, she asked if she could pray for all of us, since "I know all the rules."

I am so proud of her for volunteering to pray for our supper, for remembering our lesson on asking Jesus for forgiveness and thanking Him for all He's given us.
I am so worried for future years when she doesn't so readily admit her lies!

But she's a good girl, and the pride far outweighs the trepidation.

Isn't this hair awesome?!

GCC - Godliness

This is tough.  I never thought writing on Godliness would be this hard.  Maybe because once I started trying to explain it to someone outside our home, it wasn't so much godliness as most understand it that we were going for, but more putting God first!

In Matthew, Jesus is asked what is the most important of all the commandments.  "Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.""

So when I am teaching godliness to my children, I am teaching them how important a personal relationship with God is.  That He is the first you turn to in good times and bad, that you should spend time memorizing His word, talking with Him, and listening to Him.

Yesterday morning I read in 1 John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did."

And doesn't that just lead us straight into Character?

GCC - Character

First, two really long set of verses:
2 Peter 1:5-8
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self control; and to self control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

(Peter would've never passed Mr. Curly's classes, he has way too many run-on sentences.)

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against these things there is no law.

Character is one-third of our philosophy here at the Curly Household.  In our character, we are to emulate Jesus Christ (which will lead to contentment and godliness).

Once again, as with contentment, this lesson has been as much for me (if not more for me) than for our children.  In studying the Bible to put this philosophy together, I have learned two things:
1) There are a MILLION verses that speak about the character we should have.  It was extremely difficult to cut it down to two for this post.
2) My character is awful.  I'm really not a good person.  BUT
2a) nobody is.  Romans 3:23 - all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
2b) its okay because - Romans 3:24 - and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

So for now, I'm focusing on being a Psalm 1:1-3 person
Psalm 1:1-3 condensed:
Blessed are those.... who delight in the law of the Lord and meditate on His law day and night. They are like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not whither....

I am trying to each delight each in day in the law of the Lord, so that I may yield the fruit of the spirit, and in turn, teach my children to emulate Christ in their character.

You get what you need.... (want what you have)

I read in James 1:6-8 last week " But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. "

How many times do I ask God to provide, and then run off looking for ways to get what we need by myself, without God's help? It is a lack of contentment to be fed, clothed and sheltered that causes me to doubt and worry.

This is why Contentment is such a big part of our new philosophy here in the Curly household.  It is something I need to reach for each and every day - that feeling of contentment.  I also want my children to learn contentment.  Not just to make shopping trips easier (content children are less likely to reach and grab and beg, though they are children, so it is to be expected), but also so that they are happier in life and more aware of the blessings around them.

As 1 Timothy 6:6-8 says "But godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

It is much easier said than done.  And so I pray daily for God to help me see the blessings He has bestowed upon us, and perhaps, find a way to pass those blessings on to others.  And to help me keep that 10th commandment “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Deuteronomy 20:17)

GCC - Impetus

As I stated last week, we're writing out a new philosophy here.  Most people have life philosophies, they just don't worry about writing them out.  But I like to write, and I don't want my kids growing up thinking "How many Gibbs rules do we have to follow now?"  so we're putting it down on paper (and maybe in art, but that's another post).

But the impetus for making it clear what our philosophy was when I read the following in my boys's ToddlerTime Sunday School paper from WordAction Publishing.

"Not only will your child learn words form you, but he or she will also imitate your attitudes and actions.  Here's a scary thought.  In the first three years of life, children can learn bad words, impatience, rudeness, aggression, violence, road rage, racism, hatred, low self-esteem, and fear, which will be difficult to unlearn later.  Parents are not the only ones to blame.  Your child may also learn attitudes, words, and actions from caregivers, siblings, and even entertainment media.  While you may not always be able to prevent your child from picking up bad habits form others, you can make sure your child is learning the right things at home."

That is scary!  That means the impatience my kids show with each other they don't have just because they are kids - they learned that from me!  And I kind of already knew that.  Just like I knew where they got their vocabulary and their ideas on food.....  But road rage?  A three year old can have road rage?

See, this new philosophy of Godliness, Character, and Contentment isn't just so my kids grow up to be good people - it's for me too.  I need more of all three of those ideas in my life.  I need more time with God, I need to be more humble and giving, more respectful of others, and I definitely need to work on being content with the many blessings God has provided.

This new philosophy is for all of us, to bring us closer to God, so that we become what He has planned for us.

GCC - New Philosophy

We're building a philosophy here in the Curly household.  It isn't anything new, it really is beliefs that Mr. Curly and I have held since the day we said our vows.  Only now, now we're putting it into words, we're lining out exactly what it means in order to explain it to our children.

I'm calling it GCC.  This stands for Godliness, Character, and Contentment.

Mr. Curly and I feel that all we do, all decisions, should be ran through these three things.

Godliness:

Matthew 22:37: Jesus replied “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”

A person should have a personal relationship with God, spending time each day, memorizing His word, talking with Him and taking time to listen.  This will lead directly into:

Character:
Romans 5:3-5 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Matthew 22:39: And the second is this, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
A person of character respects others, and is worthy of respect in return.  They are loving, compassionate, honorable, humble and trustworthy.  They strive to live as Jesus did each and every day.  This leads to:

Contentment
1 Timothy 6:6-8 But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.
Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and what it is to have plenty. I have learned to be content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
We realize that all our possessions (even our food) is a blessing from God, therefore, as a person of character, we are content with what we have.  We are good stewards of these possessions, taking care to keep things clean and in good working order, sharing what we have been blessed with, because we know it all comes from a personal and loving God.  This realization should lead us back into the Godliness part of our philosophy, as we spend time thanking God for what He provides.

It is a cycle really.  I see the reduce, reuse, recycle image in my head, only with the words Godliness, Character and Contentment written in it.

Keep a watch out for more GCC posts to come!