I'm kind of a control freak. I know, I know, for those of you who know me, you're just shocked, aren't you? (And yes, that is sarcasm).
I don't often call myself a control freak, but I allude to it. And if you know me in real life (you know, not just through technology, but actual flesh and blood), you've probably figured out my issues with control.
Last weekend I went to the Nazarene Iowa District Women's Retreat. The things I thought would be good, were good - meals I didn't have to prepare or clean up after or help children eat, the Marriott pillows (if you've never experienced a Marriott feather pillow, I am so so sorry), a hotel room to myself, sleeping ALL NIGHT, time in the car to think, to have quiet, or, in my case, to listen to a few audio books.
And then there were the things I wasn't expecting - Like worship time. I didn't realize how hungry my soul was to worship without keeping an eye open on three little ones. I didn't realize how much I missed contemporary music. I love the hymns we sing in church, I grew up with them, but I really came into my own relationship with God at the end of high school and in college, and it was with contemporary music that my soul opened up to real worship. The time we spent in music Friday was amazing.
And then came Sharon Hoffman. She was our speaker for the weekend. She said so many good things, was funny and heartwarming and so stinkin' personal. I only smiled at her on my way out Friday night and she grabbed my arm and said "Oh you are just adorable!" I loved her instantly.
But out of all the things she said, this is the one that stuck with me the most, the line that keeps going over and over in my head:
Things in God's control are never out of control.
Oooohhhhh, I want that. I want God's control. I don't want to feel like things are spiralling down when my kids are going crazy and I can't get anything done right.... I don't like the racing heart in the middle of the night when I think about finances, church, my kids's schooling...
I want to be in control.
And I realized as Sharon went on to talk about peace and comfort in our homes, and how that peace and comfort needed to be within us if we were going to show it to others, that I need to let go.
I've known this for a long time. I'm constantly struggling to let something go, to give it to God, to follow His word.....
But that phrase "Things in God's control are never out of control" hit me just right. It had never been more clear to me.
I'm not losing control when I give it to God - I'm gaining the control and peace that I so long for.
I am forever grateful to the ladies who donated so I could attend this women's retreat. It seems like such a small thing, but I do believe it has changed my life.